I weighed in today and didn’t bother to do the usual starving and not drinking beforehand because I felt it was highly unlikely that I’d lost anything; in fact I felt sure I’d gained a little. After all, I was on holiday last week so it’s to be expected but that’s okay. Free cream teas every afternoon, what you gonna do?
So long as I don’t start going back up too much I thought but consolidate around two stone lower than I was at beginning of year I’ll be happy with that for now. Kind of kickstart the diet by not dieting for a bit and then going back on it again so I get that fast loss you always get at the start of a diet. Anyway no sweaty nerves as I stood on the doctor’s scales. Tell me the worst, let’s get it over with and then we can all get on with the rest of our lives.
But what about the porn?
Yes yes yes, I’m coming to the porn. I stood on the black rubber mat of the scarily accurate electronic scales and, no, surely not? Can’t be right? Sister Fiona checked. Yup. It was. I’d lost two pounds! B-b-but I’ve just come back from holiday I exclaimed! Cream teas every day… toast at breakfast, potatoes with dinner, Paleo out the window. She shrugged. That’s what the scales she said. Some people gain two kilos (four pounds) on holiday! But YOU’VE lost!
How can that be? Sure I walked a lot (we were in Portmeirion for a quick Autumn break before Winter and the Christmas panic season sets in) and I love the woodlands there. Went for long bracing walks every day, several times a day. But that kind of exercise doesn’t usually make much difference to weight, though it’s brilliant for sorting your head out.
Porn, where is the porn?
So okay, onto porn. My partner always likes to take porn on holiday. We were parked up at the supermarket loading the car with goodies and I asked him if he’d bought his porn yet. “Don’t say it so loudly!” he barked at me. “Fine. Get your own guitar magazines then,” I retorted. Oh you thought I meant…
When we got back it was time for MY kind of porn which had finally arrived in my favourite shop. Ah, I breathed sensuously smelling the glossy pages. At last it had come. Asked for it at end of September but was told was too soon. Now it’s arrived. Go here to see the kind of porn that I love and from which I’ll be selecting a fair few items to keep ME happy in the very depths of Winter…
Have a good Thursday. See you next week. If not sooner.